Re-launch

 maybe?

Serendipity 27

Nouf

I stretched my hands to give back the pictures. I don't want to keep them or look at them anymore. Its non of my business.

Why do i feel like the world just ran out of oxygen. 

"Keep them," he says to me with an undeniable smirk. He's enjoying this i can see.
"Why are you showing me these?"
"You, little girl, need to know what you're dragging yourself into." I hit his hands away as he attempts to caress my cheeks.
"I know what I'm dragging myself into, thank you very much." I reply with a clenched jaw. "Bye."

I race the tears to the ladies room. Gladly i reached before any of them would fall. I stared again at the pictures in my hand.

Run run as fast as you can Nouf, just run away. 

Even the fairies in my head were nodding.

Breathing in, i close my eyes. You just know them for two weeks or so. This is non of your business. Its just a crush. A minor little crush on.... .... Butti?!  I surprised myself for taking that long to understand my own feelings.

I look back down at the pictures. Yes, it bothered me more that he, Butti, was in the pictures more than finding perfect Fares in there. Even the idea that he smoked, and that he would ignore me or think ill of me bothered me more.

But the pictures, i remind myself. The pictures.


I walked back to Butti trying to look as "normal" as i could. He started talking about Turkey, Hagia Sofia Church that was turned into a mosque and a lot of other stuff that gladly did not need my input in. Shrugging, nodding and smiling was enough. Though i could not restrain myself from throwing in a couple of harsh, sarcastic comments. And after what seemed to me a long unbearable walk, we reached to Mado where the rest of the group were sitting.

I took the seat beside Lojain and whispered to her, "His face"
She looked at me suspiciously.
"remember you were asking what i liked about Fares, his face. Only." and I shrugged as i took the menu from the hands of a handsome turkish waiter.

I must say their desserts are amazing. The ice cream, the puddings, the baklava. It just melted your senses away with a rush of delicious tastes that will clear away all your miseries. At that moment i forgot Nathan, the pictures and my crush/hate towards the handsome cousins.

_____________________________________

"You seem to take good care of Nouf" Said Butti's mom carefully when they were alone in her room.
"She's away from her parents for the first time," he replied casually.
"Butti." She said firmly, "Figure out what you're doing. I don't want to get into a complicated matter with this girl, your cousin and my sister."
"Don't worry" he planted a kiss on her forehead. "You'll only hear good news"

He promised his mother without knowing if he could deliver the promise. She is right, i have to put things straight before it gets complicated.....


"Nouf!" Butti called as he knocked on the girls apartments door. "Noouuff!!"

"Enough you'll break the door!!" Shouts Haifa back at her brother. "What do you want from Nouf exactly?" she looks at him with half eye.

"Just call her!"
"She's not here."
"Where is she?!!!" He was clearly running out of patience.
"What happened at the museum... Why did you take her back?"
"Because i like her. okay?! Now where is she?"
"you what?! no butti.. you can't. you see.... shit."
"I know." He said curling his lips. "I'm trying to fix it, where is she?"
"She's with Fares and Lojain.... I sent them to get us a movie to watch because we were trying to set them up i'm sorry i did not know and i ... "
"Where?!"
"Down the road," Haifa felt bad for what Butti might be feeling right now; to have the girl you like pick your brother...

Butti hurried outside to find the store. He felt he was running out of time although few minutes ago he was not thinking of confessing at all. But his heart was pounding and his thoughts were racing. All he could think about was getting Nouf to be his, now, to be sure that she picks him and only him.


"Nouf!" he exclaimed as if he has not seen her in ages. It felt that way. "Come with me."
"Where? We're just buying this and going back home."
"Just a few steps from here, come!" He looked at Lojain, "I'm borrowing her for a few minutes, i'll bring her home"
"No!" said Nouf impatiently, "I said i'm going back home with them."
"jeez, Nouf! Go, he said a few minutes only." Lojain sensed the urge in Butti's voice. She pushed Nouf out then looked at Butti with half eye, "Don't go too far."


"Are you done yet?" Fares addressed Lojain as he sees Nouf walking out the door.
"Nops" she says with fluttering her eye lashes annoyingly and taking her sweet time looking at the DVDs.
"just pick any lame*** romantic movie already!"
"You hurt my feelings if you think i watch Romance," Lojain rolled her eyes, "Nouf can tell you, i watch drama, thriller and horror. The best!"
This was enough to strike an interesting conversation between the two. They talked about their favorite and worse, the scariest and the lamest of them all.

On the other hand, the atmosphere was not quite the same with the other couple. The walked together in silence, mostly because Nouf cut off any attempt of conversation, she did not want to talk to him, know him better because all it seems to do is make her fonder of him. And that is surely out of the plan.

The walk wasn't how Butti planned either, he pictured them talking, laughing and picking on each other as they usually do. She misses her parents, was enough of an explanation to keep him from worrying.

 "Here were are" he announced as they reached a park like area covered with lights and snow. "what do you think?"

The place was beauuuutiful to say the least. You could even see the Bosphurus and mountains from here. It looked magical. A perfect place to take your loved ones to.

"its nice, can we go back now?" she said impatiently. Part of her wanted to enjoy this place while the other was eager to run away from Butti, to ignore him and pretend he just never happened.

"Nouf, whats wrong? don't you like the place? i passed by earlier today and i thought i'd bring you, thought you'd love it.."
"I want to go back." Those were the exact words she did not need to hear from him.
"We will. But first, will you hear me for a second?" he said cautiously. Nouf's attitude put him off chart.
" I don't want to listen to you! you keep on dragging me away from the group. just stop it!"

Butti stood there trying to understand. The silence between them filled both their chests with pain. It was merely seconds, but it felt too long. Tying the thoughts in his head, Butti created sense out of what happened. She's upset I take her away from Fares, he falsely comprehended.

"You throw yourself like that at Fares, and you don't know your worth. You deserve someone better! If you open your eyes you might find someone that actually cares about you!!"

"Who? someone like you?" She says sarcastically. "You just said i deserve someone better!"
Her eyes start filling up with tears as she tries to get the pictures out of her purse.
"I do deserve better" she added while handing over the pictures.

Butti's color changed to a different shade of yellow. He looked very pale as he stared at the pictures.

"Where did you get them from?"
"Doesn't matter," she said as she turned to walk back. "let's go back."
"Nouf, listen..."

"No, you listen. You may think all of this is fine because you're used to it, I'm not. Its not fine, its not right and you're not going to convince me otherwise. You'll say people do worse stuff? It doesn't matter to me because i think that this is bad. Just because people have it worse, doesn't make this any better. What is wrong is wrong and i'm convinced. You go have your life your way, and i'll have mine. "
"And i never "threw" myself at anyone" she added looking disgustingly at the photos in his hands then walked away.

Butti looked at the photos in his hands. The photos were of him in parties, bars, concerts etc. Very suspicious photos.  But it was not what it looked like. What Nouf did not know was that the all these photos were taken while Butti ran to save Fares.

He walked a couple of meters behind her to make sure she's safe but not to invade her space. He knew the pictures were convincing and he needed her to calm down before explaining everything.

Serendipity 26

Despite the short hours of sleep, the girls were up and ready for another day of an eventful vacation. The lack of sleep did not seem to have an affect on Nouf but acted as a perfect cover for what was the real matter that made her look that way. The conversations from the night before had her brain overheated. There was so little content to think about, over and over again. It kept her zoned away.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Butti said startling her. "Those swords are from the....You okay?"

"huh.. yeah. okay." she smiles faintly before zoning out again.

"Come" he orders casually, grabbing her from the wrist and walking back a couple of rooms.

"uugh Butti, whaat aare youu, uugh" She whispers as she tries to release her wrist from his grab subtly. "Your walking is running to me. At least slow down so it doesn't look like you're dragging me!!"


He stops suddenly, "We're walking through the museum again, every time you zone out we'll walk back and repeat again. okay?"

"Butti I'm seriously not in the mood" she said. A hint of sadness was masking over her voice. She did not know what was saddening her. There's nothing, she told herself. No break up, no love, no nothing.

Nothing, she repeated stressing on the word again in her head. Yes, nothing. And that nothingness was what was saddening her.

"Oii" Butti waved his hands in front of her eyes as his eyes were filling with frustration and concern. "Are you really okay? You could talk to me you know..."

"it's nothing, just that i miss my parents"

"Ok then" he smiled. "We'll walk back again, you'll see everything so that you have something to talk to them about"

Nouf smiled back politely. She can't let herself be sad for no reason while she has a dozen to be happy. Focus on the now she reminded herself. You have a great friend, she assured herself as she followed Butti into the museum once more, this time with 80% of her attention rather than the 1% she had before.

He talked talked to her about every corner that they saw, the Harem's rooms, the sultan's bedroom, the dinning room, the chandelier and the jewellery displayed. He would make up funny stories of how things might have been in the palace before it was turned into a museum, about what would they do if they were Sultans, and all of that managed to keep a smile on Nouf's face.

"I can't believe i didn't notice any of this the first time we walked in..."
"I'm happy you're smiling now" he said genuinely.
"Where are the others?"
"Don't change the conversation, why are you nervous?" He adds with a smirk.
She rolls her eyes at him and walks faster. "juuust .. I'm not, okay."
"Really? then why are running away?"
Nouf turns and flashes a huge smile at Butti, the kind where all your teeth shows, and you eyes turn chinese small. "I'm still smiling"
"You're still a kid" he says as he taps her head laughing at her reaction. "A beautiful smile by the way."

They reach out to the end of the museum. Nouf leaves Butti to head to the ladies room.

"Hey" comes a voice from behind. "Its the love birds, isn't it"
Nouf turns to find Nathan behind her. She recognises his face and remembers how much Butti hates him.
"Hey, umm Butti is just outside and Fares is with the family by the cafe just outside the museum" announces nouf in one long sentence as a way out of a conversation. She did not feel comfortable at all. Nathan laughed.

"I actually wanted to talk to you. I'm supposed to meet Fares so i knew you would be here with them."
"Me?"
"Yeah, I have a couple of pictures to show you... regarding your knight in shining armour"
"What?" oh i'm supposedly engaged to Butti, she remembers and mentally hits her forehead.
"They won't be your favorite pictures"



Nouf stared at the pictures in disbelief. She stood there with an alienated feeling, something similar to what everyone described as a heartbreak.



________________________________________

Sorry, but i got busy. Like got a job and got addicted to a couple of series. Not an excuse i know but got to get back to writing, i miss it and i miss reading as well.

Tell me your thoughts, if anyone is still reading that is...

Serendipity - 25

[ I'm really glad to have one of my articles on @UntitledChapter. For those of you looking for good reads and an opportunity to publish any piece check them out! 

The link to my article: http://untitledchapters.com/2013/07/29/life/ ]

Hello, i love seeing that people from all over the gulf countries and outside the gulf  (such as Morocco) are reading this. You're the best!

Refresher: I refer in this post to events that happened way in the beginning of the story, i.e. the breakup of Lojain with her second cousin Khalifa few weeks before they travel. 

----------------------------------------------

As the sun rose to spread its warm rays over the cold city of Istanbul, Lojain and Nouf finally rested their heavy eye lids. They spent their night each curled up under her blanket, chit chatting about the events earlier that day. A bit about how Lojain ran away, a bit about the sights they saw and the food they ate but mainly concentrating on Fares. 

Indeed Fares was the center of the conversation despite the sidetrack conversations they'd go into every now and then. The interest level in the subject of the conversation seems to be high on both sides despite the emotions that came along with it. 

"He's mysterious" commented Nouf looking up at the ceiling whilst hugging her blanket. 

"Not really," shrugged Lojain. She knew that there is something about Fares that is not right, something that is hidden. But mysterious wasn't the word she'd choose to describe him. "More like... Dark?"

"Now what's dark supposed to mean?!" Nouf rolled her eyes, then shifted to her side to face Lojain's bed, "Are you trying to sound sophisticated? Well he's my dark side and I'm the angel," She added jokingly.  "i'll show you a picture" 

Nouf pulled out a picture from her iphone and handed it over. It was a picture taken by Haifa of Nouf and Fares seated beside each other on the Bosphorus boat ride. At the first glance, the picture showed Lojain a couple that she knows, but as she stared more into the features of the subjects a wave of alienated emotions crashed on the shores of her heart causing it for less than a millisecond to stop beating. 

She looked again at the photo trying to understand what is wrong. There were too much feelings that this one picture triggered. There was jealousy, fear, sadness and happiness. All that aside, there was a strong gut feeling that this, Nouf and Fares, was not right. 

The expression of her beloved friend in that photo reminded her so much of herself with Khalifa before her break up. That's how she always looked like, happy but not in that same instant. Its like she was happy for something that will happen, not what she is living. Happy about what would happen, what could change, not what is concrete and factual around her. Some might call this optimism but at this moment, Lojain realized that it was "surreal"; a mix of fact and fantasy. 

On the other hand, she noted that the expression of Fares in the picture was way more different than that of Khalifa's. She had to admit. Khalifa always had that caring look when he was with her. Gave her all 101% of his attention when they were in the same place. But Fares looked distant. 

Without realizing, Lojain zoomed into the face of Fares and started analyzing, totally forgetting about her surroundings. She looked deeply at his face. He wasn't looking at Nouf, not even the camera, he was waaaay off the chart. 

His smile... that's not even a smile, noticed Lojain. Its like he's... he's...   Her trail of thoughts jammed at the failure of recalling words that could describe what she thinks Fares feels. She let out a long sigh instead. 

"Are you ok?" Nouf took her sigh as a queue to talk. She noticed the change in Lojain's mood and sat there quietly till her friends would speak up.

"yeah i'm............" Lojain chocked on her own words. 

Its always that moment when you realize how much you bottled up. You stand with your self built shield ready to confront whoever. But as soon as you attempt to arrange a chain of words, you choke on the one that you've always convinced yourself about. Your own throat refuses to let you continue this lie, it strangles your thoughts right before they leave. Its like they're blocking the flow of air into your lungs and just as you are about to suffocate on your own pride, your eyes decides to let a few drops down, let your guards down and give you a break of acting strong, because the strength lies in understanding and confronting your troubles not sweeping them under the rug. Unlike other matters, here out of sight, out of mind does not work. 

When she was able to speak again, Lojain smiled shyly at Nouf. "I remembered Khalifa." She started explaining. 

"I now know what went wrong with us. You see, I grew up with the idea that I'm Khalifa's. I started painting images in my head about how our life would be. I created a frame of the guy I want and tried so hard to fit Khalifa into that frame. I always had hope that i will change him. Time by time, i was forcing him into something he was not. He was pressured to not be himself around me. And what is love without comfort? I practically pushed him away and now i can see the signs that i didn't see before. To be honest, I now realize that I never loved him but the idea of him. I've always admired a man that was good with his words and challenging in his actions. Someone that needed me to care for him as much as i need him to care about me. Although Khalifa showered me with attention and care, he didn't need my attention and it drove me crazy. He was never good with words although he was always genuine and he's not at all challenging. i always expected his next move. I don't know. It sounds very rational in my head but i'm scared it comes off as selfish. Its the same the other way round too. He didn't like many of my actions, how i dress, how i love control and my "bossiness" as he says it. We fell in love with an idea, not each other. Ok this will just make it sound even worse, but he's short! and I always wanted a tall guy. Its something that was always on my mind although i say i can compromise. You have to like the person and i realized it this moment............... Its like i can finally sleep now. I don't need to be hard on myself again every night. Am i making sense?"

"Yes, I understand. I'm glad that you came to a conclusion and an ending to all that." Nouf replied as she moved to hug Lojain. "See, I am the angel..."

"About that..." interrupted Lojain as she let go of Nouf's embrace. "Do you like Fares, or the idea of Fares?"

"emm.... how do i figure that out?"

"Tell me what do you like about Fares.."

"He's tall, emm.... good looking, i love Haifa.... his words omg they make me blush even if i'm mad, and emm... emough?"

"You noticed that you mentioned nothing about his personality. Its just about looks and how you feel..."

"Its cuz i don't know him well...maybe..."

"We'll try to figure that out tomorrow. Everytime you find something about him that you like remember and mention it to me later and we'll see. I'm too tired, lets sleep"

But sleep doesn't come soon. The girl's are left at the mercy of their thoughts. Lojain's brain starts with a page in my life is turned. Alhamdella.... But this Fares. I have to know till it can no longer cope while Nouf's attempt in recalling the traits she loves in Fares failed. His conversations, she finally decides. Maybe his conversations, she assures herself falsely. 

They fell asleep without knowing what they just realized. Their eyes were carrying the weight of the world. Just then, the sun rises to spread its warm rays over the cold city of Istanbul. 

--

Serendipity 24

Nouf

Fares looks so distanced, i wonder what's bothering him. I'm not good with emotions and saying the right thing at the those times. You'll find me smiling awkwardly at someone crying thinking: should I pat their back or should i smile less; should i add an its ok.. What if its not ok? how should i know?
I go for distraction is the best policy. Its my way in helping lift up people's spirit and i mean it in a very genuine way. Its the only thing i can do and i wont stand there doing nothing. I just can't...

"It so cold" i attempt in starting a conversation. He looks at me, smiles with a courteous nod and takes a puff on his cigarette. It doesn't surprise me that he smokes. His looks give the impression that he was born with a cigarette in his hand. Its part of his bad boy kinda image. I'm disappointed though. Why do guys think it makes them look better or macho? It doesn't smell good either and this whole thing with the yellower teeth and bad breath.... disgusting. Still didn't have an effect on perfect Fares though, but it doesn't look good.

"What's wrong?" Fares looked at me closely under his knit eyebrows. At that moment i realized that i was staring at him with a disgusted look on my face. "You have a bad habit of staring and not talking..."
I winced at his comment as i remembered the time i stared at him by the parking lot. "I was thinking how do you tolerate the taste and smell of the cigarettes  its.... disgusting"
He looked at me with half eye.. whaaaat did i say, oh god i need a brain to mouth filter and face mask... "Its the feeling you get with it, everything else shuts down and you're there somewhere...." he pauses to take another puff. I swear i could die of the smell, its causing some weird nauseous feeling in my stomach. He let the smoke out regardless of the expression on my face and continues, "...thinking of nothing just about where does this smoke goes. Its relaxing."

He stared back into the horizon and left me hanging there. Was this the end of the conversation? I can't believe that the company of his cigarette is better than any other human being. Its so difficult to talk to him. It literally hurts my brain to come up with a conversation to talk about. Even the silence between us is too tensed, i can feel it. Like what am I doing standing here... Is this what they call a spark of attraction?... What does he like? maybe football, he looks like an athletic person. I hope he's not overly obsessed though, like those that get into fights and so on...  Or maybe he's into cars.... UGGH... talk, say something you handsome statue..

"Stop complaining silently" came Butti's voice from behind me. He probably heard my huffs and puffs. I don't blame myself. I could've lost my sanity to the twirl of thoughts given my tied tongue. I couldn't explain the feeling of relief that poured over me when i heard his voice. Finally a normal person. "Your hot chocolate."
Mariam, Haifa and Lojain came walking in behind Butti holding their warm drinks in their hands. Apparently, the mothers decided to stay away from the cold weather. The glass wall was enough for them to see the beautiful scenery.

Haifa winked at me pointing with her chin at Fares. Just make it more obvious, the fool thats standing beside the silent statue. I smiled faintly.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Trying to "speed up" things, Haifa decided to try out her match making skills.
"Nouf! you should ask Fares about studying masters in the states. Fares, its safe isn't it?"
"Not for girls." he replies with no hint of interest in the subject. All he could think about is ways to leave to a more "entertaining" place.
"Typical!" Replies Lojain as she rolls her eyes. "A girl can be safe in any place if she knows who to mix with and where to go.."
"oh, really." A spark of interest finds its way into Fares' voice. "then you should stay at home"
"What do you mean, huh?" The tension between the two worked up. Lojain was not willing to let someone belittle her in any way. Especially not him with his ego issues, she thought. "At least i can be responsible."
"Its fine. You just need to know the right and appropriate places. If you take care, there's no harm." Butti joined the conversation but addressed his words to Nouf. "But the feeling you get after coming back... its difficult. Two years of your life here would be missed and when you return you will feel the gap. Its a strange feeling."
"Yeaaah but you get to have the experience of living alone. That's amazing!" Lojain was more excited than Nouf. She always wanted to experience the life abroad. Waking up in the morning in her own apartment, walking to work or college and passing by Starbucks on her way for a cup of coffee. Buying groceries, fixing the interior and all those little things that count.
Fares caught the excitement in Lojain's eyes. "You think its all fun? With your....... that attitude, you'll get yourself in serious problems."
"Well i've seen myself handle more responsibility than you ever did since we got here."
"Lojaiiiin" Haifa hissed trying to calm her down.
"Whaat? I'm being honest!" She looks around at everyone's faces. "I bet Butti took all the responsibility when you two were there, am i right Butti?"
Butti didn't want to go into this conversation. He turned around to look at Nouf, maybe dive into another conversation with her. Or maybe she should listen to this, maybe she should know how Fares really is. But he couldn't bring himself to do such thing to his brother.
"He did and I played hard" Fares smirked and puffed on his cigarette. "Got a problem?"
Lojain glared at him before walking away, "Pathetic."

Butti just laughed at the scene, it was amusing how Lojain could stand up in the face of his cold blooded brother. She could actually trigger him to talk and negotiate. He patted Fares on his shoulders, "1-0, step up your game bro."

The next twenty minutes passed along with interesting conversations. Lojain, Butti and Mariam were on one side talking about the States and studying abroad while Haifa and Nouf were engaged in a casual conversation with Fares. Nouf was able to gather more information about her prince regardless of Fares' rare contribution to the conversation.


.......

مبارك عليكم الشهر

Dear my supportive readers;

Ramadan Kareem !

Kl 3am w ento b5air <3

I'm a terrible blogger for letting you all wait so long before posting. I'm really sorry, i really try my best to squeeze in time to write. Thank you all for finding the time to visit my blog, read and comment. I appreciate it a lot and hopefully I'll post soon. *fingers crossed*

Love you!

Serendipity 23

Sorry for the delay. 


Previously on Serendipity...

I walked faster to catch up with Fares and smiled at him. I felt victorious as if i won against Butti. I don't know why, but i just did.

------------------

Nouf 

We walked with Fares towards the left on a pathway and down the stairs. With every few steps, one of us would turn to look behind to check that Lojain is still within sight. She was cutting her way through in a diagonal way. Looks like a shortcut to wherever we are going. As a really really good friend, i should have joined her. But seriously, the place is filled with people and how would she know where is the cruise. With no one's support she might change her mind and stop the stubbornness, i convinced myself. 

A few steps later i turn around to look for Lojain. I couldn't see her. 
"Guys, i can't spot Lojain.."
Fares ran his fingers into his hair, breathed in then calmly announced that he will drop us by the cruise since its close by now, then he'll go looking for her. Dragging three other girls isn't helpful. 
"I told you, we shouldn't have left her alone!!" Haifa was freaking out again.

As we got closer to the cruise, we were surprised to spot Lojain standing right beside Maryam's mother and the rest of the group. Haifa ran across, hugged Lojain and started ranting about how she made us feel. 
"Boring and cowardssss" Lojain rolled her eyes at us.
And thats it. The mothers didn't realize what had happened, they just laughed at the scene between Haifa and Lojain and asked us to follow Butti into the cruise. As we walked up the ramp, Lojain turned and gave Fares one of her huh-reconsider-you-existence kind of look. Oh Lojain, just stop it. I knew at that moment that a war, a cold war, has just begun. 

--------------------

When she was left alone, Lojain knew that there was no way she's going back with the group. She will not loose face and will stick to her decision. She walked a few steps hesitantly. I'll instagram this, she thought as she saw a little stall with men grilling freshly caught fish, that's what got me into this mess anyway. At the same moment, an image of a cruise appeared on her timeline. It was posted by Haifa's mom. BINGO, thought Lojain as she approached the people selling sandwiches in the stall on her left. 
"Where's this cruise?" The guy pointed directly across him to a shorter way to get there. 

Butti was surprised to find that Lojain came alone but soon enough it became the least of his concern. He spotted Nouf between the crowd. It was amusing how his brain was able to identify her before reading the details of her face. It was as if he could sense her being there, sense her existence. A smile found it place on his face. 

Just as they were few steps away did Butti acknowledge the rest. A spark of jealousy managed to crawl into his heart as he recognized the matching colors of Nouf and Fares's outfits. Ridiculous, he told himself. And he knew that it was ridiculous. Never in his life would he wear matching outfits or colors with someone, not even someone he loved so much. But it was the whole thing that triggered the jealousy. The look on Nouf's face as she is walking beside Fares, talking to him and smiling; looking like a couple. He wanted to have that....
He makes her smile...  So do you. 
The war of thoughts in his head sounded more like a conversation between the angel on his right shoulders and the devil on the left. But he didn't know which was the angel or the devil. Is it the devil telling him to steal the girl from his brother and cousin or is it actually the angel tell him that he is a better person, more suitable for Nouf. She still didn't pick, he decided to prevent himself from backing up into his own world. Does she even consider  the other option, replied a faint voice in his head.


The Bosphorus cruise they were on was a double deck. The lower floor is arranged to look like a restaurant with tables and chairs. It wasn't that fancy. It was closed with glass windows and installed with heaters and ACs to allow people to enjoy the warmth in the winter and the cold in summer. You could order turkish coffee, black tea, hot chocolate, soft drinks and a couple of selected appetizers to munch on. The upper floor is where the sight seeing happens. The place is full of benches and was roofless to allow the people to enjoy the breeze. As everyone settled on the lower floor and started ordering drinks, the cruise started its trip along the calm Bosphorus river. 

A few minutes into the trip, Fares excuses himself to go upstairs. To his luck, the women were engaged in entertaining gossip so no one would follow him. He went upstairs, kneeled on the edge of the rail looked onto the beautiful river and lighted his cigarette. It was comforting to just be there alone and not think of anything again. The past hour was extremely exhausting. Not physically but mentally. It was his first time being responsible in that way. He could handle being responsible of Haifa alone, being responsible of managing a whole trip with the guys and even events or parties. But not this.  And what "this" was, was not entirely clear to him. 

Butti interrupted Fares' peace of mind as he grabbed the cigarette of his hand and took a puff. 
"You smoke?!" Fares was startled by what he saw. 
"Now I do" replied Butti with no hint of emotion.  He coughed but took another puff disregarding the dislike he had to the taste of it.  
The silence between the two bothered no one. There was plenty to see. Istanbul was a beauty in winter. All the buildings were coated with thin white sugary icing of snow. The pure, clean white color of the snow contradicted with the old, rough brown, yellow and maroon colors of the old buildings. The whole scene looked like it carried so many stories of all kinds.

A gasp of excitement broke through the cold silence. It was Nouf that had just found her way to the upper floor all alone. She was taken back by the scenery and the weather; a nice warm sun, really cold breeze and layer of snow on buildings. This is amaaaaaazing, she thought as she started taking pictures.
"I wish i could show the real thing in the picture," she was disappointed that the image did not carry as much feelings as her. She wanted to send it to her parents and make them feel as if they are here with her. "When will the japanese create some kind of camera that will capture a bit of the weather too"

Butti was leaning on the rail with his back to the scenery and watching Nouf. He chuckled at her comments. She's complaining like she always has. Nouf turned to ask one of the boys to take a picture of her. Fares was still staring into the horizon and looked like a body with no soul. It was as if his soul was out there far away wondering and travelling in space. Butti stepped forward and took Nouf's iPhone to take her photo. He held the mobile phone with two hands ready for the picture when Nouf exasperated out loud, 
"You smooookeee!!!?" and added a disgusted look on her face.
Butti forgot about the cigarette in his hand.  
"no i'm just randomly holding a cigarette in my hands" he said as he attempted to take another puff casually. But it failed miserably as he started coughing out loud. Nouf couldn't refrain herself from laughing. 
"Trying to act cool? it doesn't suit you..."
"shhh" he said as he put down the cigarette in the nearest ash tray. 
"How does it taste?" she asked curiously.
"Disgusting" he replied honestly. "Wanna try?" 
"No thank you. I don't need a cigarette to feel "cool"" she said as she posed ready for a picture. 
"I bet you dont need an iphone to look cool too" he said as he held the iphone with two fingers over the rail ready to drop it in the river. "If it slips, it slips."
 "You're the coolest person I know, you're even too cool to be cool" She knew he wouldn't drop it but really what if it slips. "please please please"
"ok stop begging" he said in a snobbish tone. "Ready?"
"yes"
Butti turned around to take a picture of him and Nouf in the background. 
"Do you have to be everywhere?" she rolled her eyes. 

They spent the next couple of minutes taking pictures of each other, for instagram and some selfies. The atmosphere was light and fun. Nouf was comfortable as to make funny faces and not care about how her face would look. However, the atmosphere wasn't the same around Fares. 
"What's wrong?" she said pointing at Fares and Butti just shrugged. "You should ask him"
"If its something he can't handle he'll talk. Why are the others still downstairs?"
The rest of the group have just discovered some mutual connections and friends that they know. Their conversation turned into a twirl of endless gossip that none of them want to escape. Nouf was never intrigued by gossip and as a lonely child she always knew how to have fun alone. 
"Gossip" she said gesturing with her hands that its huuuuge. "He looks sad, maybe its cuz of Lojain running away and so on..."
"Lojain ran away??" 
"Nooo not really, she just took another route from the metro to the cruise. Fares got mad."
"I don't think so. You can go and ask him if you're that concerned.." He replied sarcastically. 
Nouf did not pick up the sarcasm in his tone, "La i hate intruding into other people's life. I'll just call him to sit with us."
Great, he thought. Too much for showing her the other option. "I'll go call the others, you want something to drink?"
"Hot chocolate"

........